Leave it to Pheebs

Graduation season is upon us, and Lisa Kudrow's 2010 Vassar commencement speech hit me right in the feels

I love this time of year because of all of the iconic commencement speeches that surface. I know, I know, it’s pretty cheesy, but I like cheesy. I lean into cheesy these days.

Lisa Kudrow's (class of ‘85) speech from the Vassar 2010 commencement ceremony really got me this year. In her speech she discusses her journey from Biology major to actress, and all of the bumps and hurdles that ultimately led her to joining the cast of one of highest grossing sitcoms ever, where she makes approximately $20 million per year, just from residuals alone.

Pheebs, I mean Lisa, talks about how Biology was a creative outlet for her, but she’d always felt nudges (that’s that pesky intuition) to pursue acting. When she was in her early 20’s, she decided it was now or never; she had no responsibilities, no kids, and all the freedom in the world to take a leap of faith.

Having never acted a day in her life, this was a…blind leap. Especially when she goes onto say that she does not care for actors. Admittedly, her only perception of them was from talk shows. And then she states my favorite part of her speech:

“As in most pursuits, oneself is one of the biggest hurdles to get over. You can’t pursue something and be committed to it if you’re apologizing for it at every party — which I did. For a while.”

As she navigated Hollywood taking improv and sketch comedy classes, while attending auditions, and even achieving some small wins, she questioned her choices the entire time. Maybe this isn’t meant to be, she thought. But she had one friend who loved her writing and acting, and encouraged her along the way: Conan O’Brien.

As you can imagine, she faced rejection after rejection as she began her career. As soon as she would gain some traction, she’d hit another roadblock:

• Agents told her she wasn’t pretty enough, “we don’t know what to do with you.”

• She got hired, and after two days, fired from Frasier.

• She was passed up for Julia Sweeney for SNL.

• Her Romy and Michele TV pilot was not picked up.

• …and many, many other disappointments

She could have let this throw her off if her path, but she decided that they were wrong. They couldn’t see the vision. Yet. She rested assured that the friends who she knew and respected, loved her writing and acting; people like Kathy Griffin, Julia Sweeney, and of course, Conan O’Brien.

As she followed the breadcrumbs on her path, a series of events ensued that led her from playing “Waitress” (later known as Ursula) on Mad About You, to being introduced to writer and producer, David Crane, who asked her to audition for his new show about a group of 20-somethings living in New York, Friends like Us (which we all know as Friends).

Kudrow goes on to say that all of those rejections ended up being guideposts. She looks back and recognizes that she was lucky to have been rejected, so she was ultimately able to carve her place in history on one of the most iconic TV shows of all time.

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Taking a leap of faith to pursue my creative dreams is far more intimidating than presenting case studies to mediocre tech bros, then getting rejected by those same tech bros. The most intimidating person in the room is myself. Will I live up to my own expectations? Am I on the right path? Do I have what it takes?

I constantly feel like I’m on a rollercoaster. The highs are so high, and the lows are sooo low. But I have a handful of people, many of whom I’ve recently met, others who I am acquainted with, and a couple of close friends and family who always seem to send me a message or give me a call to encourage me when my lows are staring at me right in the face.

It’s like they know.

I’m choosing to listen to them instead of my own cruel doubts. They appreciate my voice, my writing, my journey. All of these experiences—the rejection, the opportunities, the connections, the support—are my guideposts. I don't know if I'd have the courage to stick with this without the support I continually receive. And again, most of this support comes from strangers. That’s wild to me.

For anyone who is not receiving vocal support, remember, the people who criticize you for trying to be exceptional are those that have already accepted the fact that they’re going to be mediocre forever.

Now, go forth and thrive. 🌱